I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
