If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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