is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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