I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just google imaged poop.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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