Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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