found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
