You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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