Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
