Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
