Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
