i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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