I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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