2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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