My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize