finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
