He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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