i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
