DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
