and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
