Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
