don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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