yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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