i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
