i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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