I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
