Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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