U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
