No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
a search helicopter?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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