party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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