The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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