I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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