who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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