The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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