I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
