dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
