The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i dont even know how to be here
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
