So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize