Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
