You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
