i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
