Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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