Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
