He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
