I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
