I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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