She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
