i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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