She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
