They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
