i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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