can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
