my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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