I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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