I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
