Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
