Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
