It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
be right there i have to get my cape
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
