the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
