dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
