My friends, they love my intelligence
Where did you get a picture of my penis
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
