so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
