dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
