Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
