too bad you live with your parents still
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
