hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
