watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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