Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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