Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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