I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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