So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
