I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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