I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
