I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
