I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
