So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
