he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
