so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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