not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize