I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
