I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
