I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
