I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
