Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
