I hate all girls vehemently.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
