So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had to cum in my sink.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
