This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
